Are you shy away from making eye contact with strangers? Do you not look others in the eye when talking to them? Do you meet other people without being able to avoid awkwardness? Boy, do I know how that feels!
Conquering your anxiety around making eye contact is essential. Eye contact is one of the most potent forms of communication. It allows you not just better understand what someone is saying but also allows you to read their nonverbal actions. In this article, I will cover the factors that cause anxiety and how to make better eye contact.
What Is Eye Contact Anxiety?
Eye contact anxiety refers to the fear or discomfort experienced by individuals when making direct eye contact with others. This condition is prevalent and can manifest in various situations, including conversations, public speaking, job interviews, and social interactions.
Symptoms of Eye Contact Anxiety
There are several common symptoms of eye contact anxiety. They include:
- Blinking. People with this condition may blink excessively because they feel uncomfortable with the other person’s stare.
- Lack of eye contact. A person with eye contact anxiety may avoid looking someone in the eye at all costs, even if it means lying or pretending to be busy.
- Fidgeting and fumbling. If someone with this condition has to look someone in the eye, they may fidget or fumble with something in their hands or pocket as a distraction from their discomfort.
- Sweating and blushing. Someone suffering from eye contact anxiety may sweat profusely and blush when forced to make direct eye contact with someone else at any time.
Importance of Overcoming Eye Contact Anxiety
Overcoming eye contact anxiety is crucial for various reasons, including:
- Building trust with your audience.
Making eye contact with your audience is a sign of confidence and transparency. It shows them that you’re confident in your words and that they can trust you.
- Making a great first impression.
When someone makes eye contact, we tend to feel more comfortable around them. This is why people often stare at each other when they’re meeting for the first time — it makes them feel more relaxed in each other’s presence.
- Creating trust and rapport with others.
People who don’t make eye contact are often seen as less trustworthy than those who do. This isn’t surprising; after all, most people instinctively look away from those who intimidate them or give off negative vibes — consciously or subconsciously — which may lead others to perceive them as untrustworthy or even hostile.
- Improving your communication skills.
When you can look someone directly in the eye while talking to them, it shows that they’re getting your full attention and that they matter to you (even if they don’t think so). This will make them feel respected and valued as an individual — which is a massive part of being good at communicating effectively!
Causes of Eye Contact Anxiety
Eye contact anxiety can have various causes, including
- A need for more confidence in yourself and your skills. Eye contact may make you feel even more anxious if you feel insecure about your abilities. This is especially true if you must get used to eye contact with people.
- A fear of being judged or embarrassed by others. If people judge you on how you look or dress, it can cause anxiety when you are called upon to make eye contact with them.
- Being shy and awkward around others. If you’re used to avoiding social situations, for example, making eye contact might be problematic for you — especially if it’s someone new whom you don’t know well yet.
- Social anxiety disorder (SAD). SAD is an anxiety disorder that causes excessive fear about social situations and interactions with others. Those with SAD often experience extreme self-consciousness and avoid any activities that involve interacting with others (such as public speaking or networking events).
- Personal or medical history. People with previous negative experiences with eye contact may be more reluctant to make eye contact with others. This could include a history of bullying, abuse, or trauma.
- Inhibited personality type. Some people have an inhibited personality type — they tend to avoid taking risks in life and being assertive with others — making it difficult for them to maintain eye contact when speaking with someone new or someone they don’t know very well.
Effects of Eye Contact Anxiety
Eye contact anxiety can have several adverse effects on individuals, including:
- Reduced confidence.
Eye contact anxiety is often associated with low self-esteem and self-confidence. Many people with trouble making eye contact feel inferior to others, which can cause them to avoid eye contact out of fear of being judged. This can lead to a vicious cycle that makes it difficult for people to improve their ability to make eye contact.
- Reduced ability to read social cues.
The inability to look people in the eyes while talking with them can make it difficult for individuals with eye contact anxiety to understand what others think or feel. This can lead to miscommunication and misinterpretation of body language, leading to conflict or misunderstandings between individuals.
- Discomfort around strangers and other social interactions.
People with eye contact anxiety may experience discomfort when meeting new people or talking with strangers because they fear being judged by others based on their facial expressions or body language. This can make it difficult for these individuals to make friends or form romantic relationships due to their lack of comfort around strangers.
- Anxiety attacks or panic attacks.
When someone feels anxious about something, their body releases stress hormones that make them feel physical symptoms such as sweating, rapid heartbeat, and shortness of breath. People with eye contact anxiety may experience these same symptoms because they fear looking into other people’s eyes.
- Reduced ability to read other people’s emotions and body language.
When we look into someone’s eyes, we get information about their mood and thoughts through facial expressions and body language (like how close they stand). This is important for forming healthy relationships with other people in our lives — but if you can’t make eye contact with people, this information will be more challenging for you to pick up on during conversations.
Techniques to Overcome Eye Contact Anxiety
Eye contact anxiety is a common problem that can happen in various situations. Here are some techniques to help overcome eye contact anxiety:
Gradual exposure
Practice with someone you feel comfortable with (a family member or friend). For example, when eating dinner together, look each other in the eyes while talking. Or when you’re walking together, make eye contact as often as possible.
Gradually increase the difficulty level of your practice over time by doing it with someone more challenging (someone who intimidates you). For example, if you’re used to looking at your brother while talking at dinner, try looking at an acquaintance instead — someone who doesn’t intimidate you but still makes you uncomfortable because of his gaze. Then move up from there until you can look at strangers without feeling anxious about it at all!
Mindfulness and relaxation techniques
Mindfulness and relaxation techniques are the best way to overcome eye contact anxiety. Mindfulness keeps your mind focused on the present moment instead of worrying about the past or future. It can help you feel more in control over your emotions and thoughts, which will help reduce your anxiety.
Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can also help lower stress levels, which in turn will help reduce your anxiety about making eye contact with others.
Positive self-talk
Positive self-talk is a type of affirmation that you repeat over and over again in your mind to change your thoughts and behavior. Building confidence, motivating, and staying focused on achieving your goals is easy.
For example, when you’re feeling nervous about something, you can say things like:
- “I am confident and can make eye contact with anyone.”
- “I am relaxed and can meet people’s gaze without feeling nervous or awkward.”
- “I am comfortable with meeting new people and making new friends.”
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy that is effective in treating eye contact anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected and that you can change others by changing one of them.
The goal of CBT is not just to treat the symptoms of eye contact anxiety but to help you understand how your thoughts and feelings affect your behavior. This can help you break down the barriers between you and others and build healthier relationships.
Seeking professional help
A step toward overcoming any fear or phobia is seeking professional help from a therapist to help people overcome their fears and phobias.
A therapist will work with you over time to help you develop new ways of thinking about your fear of eye contact and how it affects your daily life. They will teach you coping strategies for dealing with situations where your fear might flare up again so that you are better equipped to handle them next time.
If you don’t want to see a therapist or counselor, consider joining a support group for people with eye contact disorders. You’ll be able to talk about your feelings with others who have experienced them and learn how they overcame their problem.
Tips for Building and Maintaining Eye Contact
Eye contact is essential to building rapport, trust, and connection. It can also be intimidating, especially when unsure of what to do with your eyes. Here are a few tips for building and maintaining eye contact:
Start small
Making eye contact with confidence is about building your tolerance for extended periods. Start with just a few seconds at a time, and then gradually increase it to 20 seconds or more.
If you’re having trouble holding someone else’s gaze, try focusing on their eyebrows or nose instead of their eyes — this will help break up their face into smaller pieces so that it’s less intimidating.
You can also try making eye contact from across the room; this way, there won’t be any pressure to maintain eye contact immediately upon meeting someone new.
Use active listening skills
When speaking with someone, use active listening skills, such as nodding and responding appropriately, to show that you are engaged in the conversation. This can help build rapport and make eye contact feel more natural.
Practice looking people in the eyes for short periods until it feels more accessible. Start by looking at someone’s mouth or forehead before moving on to their eyes or trying a longer gaze at another person’s face. You can also focus on objects around the room or outside through a window as practice for longer periods, looking at other people’s faces without feeling awkward or uncomfortable about doing so.
Practice mirroring
Mirroring is a powerful tool for building rapport and making others feel comfortable in your presence. Mirroring involves matching the body language of the person you speak with, including their eye contact. This can help build rapport and make the interaction feel more comfortable.
Here are some ways to mirror:
- Eye contact: If they look up, look up. If they look down, look down.
- Facial expressions: Smile when they smile; frown when they frown; tilt your head when they do too.
- Posture: If they sit up straight, sit up straight too!
- Final Thoughts
Eye contact anxiety can make you look nervous or, worse, dishonest. The practice of making eye contact is an important skill to have and can help us in ways we never imagined. Thankfully it’s a skill that can be learned, and anyone can improve their ability to hold someone else’s gaze.
Don’t fear looking others in the eye as you speak to them. Eye contact can be intimidating, but it’s essential to communication. Try practicing by asking a friend or family member to role-play a situation where someone might expect you to make eye contact with them. Just remember to relax, take deep breaths, and try natural eye contact. You’ll be surprised at how quickly your anxiety will subside.
References
- Schulze, L., Renneberg, B., & Lobmaier, J. S. (2013). Gaze perception in social anxiety and social anxiety disorder. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 7. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00872
- Mason, M. F., Hood, B. M., & Macrae, C. N. (2004). Look into my eyes: Gaze direction and person memory. Memory, 12(5), 637–643. https://doi.org/10.1080/09658210344000152
- Kreysa, H., Kessler, L., & Schweinberger, S. R. (2016). Direct Speaker Gaze Promotes Trust in Truth-Ambiguous Statements. PLOS ONE, 11(9), e0162291. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0162291
- Prinsen, J., Bernaerts, S., Wang, Y., De Beukelaar, T. T., Cuypers, K., Swinnen, S. P., & Alaerts, K. (2017). Direct eye contact enhances mirroring of others’ movements: A transcranial magnetic stimulation study. Neuropsychologia, 95, 111–118. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2016.12.011
- Fullwood, C., & Doherty-Sneddon, G. (2006). Effect of gazing at the camera during a video link on recall. Applied Ergonomics, 37(2), 167–175. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.apergo.2005.05.003
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